Satan’s Scourge


 

 

Crafty demon you are,

picking on God’s

children like a

schoolyard

Bully.

Tear sinew,

rip flesh from

bone.

Break my bones

if their crack

brings delight to

your fallen

Spirit.

Sear my flesh,

Oh, Beautiful One,

if my cries lighten

your burden.

 

Let your scourge

test my resolve.

Loose your

wickedness

upon this

broken

shell.

 

For, your realm

is in decay.

Hell’s

foundations are

crumbling.

You are

in

your

final

death

Throes.

 

So, break this

body if you must.

Brand my flesh, rob

me of all Earthly

Beauty, for

your end

is

Near.

 

I

Stand against

you

with God’s

Army Angels

standing as a fortress

in front,

at both flanks

and legions after

legions bringing up the

rear.

 

Take this useless frame,

twist it,

turn it,

burn it

but you will

never lay claim

to

my

Soul.

 

“Come Lord Jesus, Come.”

Revelations 22:20

Get UP!


 

Tears of exhaustion cleansed the

 

grime from her weary eyes.

 

The hard earth beneath her felt as

 

if bundles of clouds had been

 

fastened together giving tense limbs an

 

imagined comfort.

 

 

 

Gasping crisped air into

 

overburdened lungs sent a sear

 

throughout her torso lending

 

logic to the fact she yet lived.

 

 

 

Her spirit commanded,

 

“Get up.”

 

Her aching frame bade her

 

 “sleep.”

 

 

 

No amount of will could

 

force her eyes open and

 

the thought of sweet surrender

 

was exquisite.

 

 

 

More insistent but

 

still easily ignored,

 

“Get up, Now!”

 

 

 

Rhythmic breaths began

 

to take over allowing

 

her conscious awareness

 

slip ever closer into

 

the sweet void.

 

 

 

Slight vibrations rippled

 

beneath her.

 

Someone was walking

 

toward her…

 

 with purpose.

 

 

 

A delicate, crisp sound like

 

that of tiny ice molecules dancing

 

atop the rim of a fine crystal goblet

 

teased her ears and sent

 

shivers down her spine.

 

 

 

The sound, gentle as it was, brought

 

her to full awareness.

 

It was…irritating.

 

She wanted to rest, just

 

rest.

 

 

 

“Get up”, came the

 

command.

 

 

 

With reserves she did not

 

think she possessed, she

 

managed to raise herself

 

up to one elbow.

 

 

 

Hand raised to brow, she opened

 

her eyes just a sliver to see

 

who was cruel enough to give

 

such a command to a dying woman

 

eager for glory.

 

 

 

The enormity of light

 

burden her tired eyes

 

causing her to clinch them

 

fast again.

 

 

 

Warm hands gently cupped her face.

 

A soft, loving kiss was delivered

 

to each of her eyes.

 

 

 

“Open your eyes and…see.”

 

 

 

Slowly, she obeyed letting in just a bit

 

of light. Feeling no pain,

 

she opened them both and

 

was awestruck.

 

 

 

Feet firmly planted on

 

the ground in front of her

 

stood a glorious warrior. He

 

shone like the son wearing

 

a golden breastplate, helmet, greaves,

 

and carrying a large blazing sword. In the

 

other hand, a shield engraved with God’s

 

Holy name, Yahweh.

 

 

 

Her eyes came to rest upon his two enormous wings

 

that lay at rest upon his

 

back but whose length trailed behind him. She

 

heard the delicate ice crystal sound every time he

 

moved them.

 

 

 

“I am Michael, an Archangel

 

and I am in charge of God’s Angel Armies.

 

You need to get up and take the

 

next step,” he explained.

 

 

 

She said nothing but her

 

eyes communicated her

 

weary reluctance.

 

 

 

“Woman, look around you.”

 

 

 

Something akin to a

 

veil of fog lifted away

 

revealing mighty

 

and fierce battles being

 

fought. The wars were raging

 

both near and far no matter

 

which direction she peered.

 

 

 

Thousands upon tens of thousands of

 

warriors, like Michael, were engaged

 

in terrible battle with what looked

 

like…demons. Yet, nothing was being

 

touched on the Earth. People were going about their

 

lives without an inkling that there was more…much

 

more.

 

 

 

Her eyes darted to Michael in question.

 

“We have always been here, God sent us

 

to protect you all but you still have the choice

 

to give up or fight. We stand by your side and fight

 

what you cannot see. But, you have to choose to

 

 Get Up.”

 

“You must choose to keep moving

 

forward no matter how many

 

times you are knocked down.”

 

 

 

Her eyes pleaded with him to tell her,

 

HOW?

 

 

 

“You have the Holy Spirit inside you,

 

God’s only Son died for you! God, our

 

creator loves you. He knows how hard it is

 

to walk through this world and he never expected you

 

to do it alone. The Father

 

continues to send help to you but

 

many of you reject it…reject Him. Look

 

at the legions around you. We fight alongside you

 

but we cannot make you choose to follow Christ. We

 

cannot make you stay on the path. We cannot make you get back

 

up when you have been knocked down for the 1000th time. But,

 

I promise you this…Get Up, and we will go back into battle

 

with you. You are not alone.

 

Woman, Get Up!”

 

 

 

Standing with new fire in her

 

eyes she smirked,

 

“How about we

 

 go make the Devil nervous?”

 

 

 

GET UP!

 

The Unwelcome Guest


 First rays of the summer sun

 race to illuminate the small

grove. Its inhabitants awake

without complaint.

The grove was abundant in food

peace and safety. The only

other occupant was

an old country church patiently

awaiting its fold.

Blue birds filled the air

with

songs of praise.

A sound so pure and clear,

a melody worthy of the Creator’s ear.

The sun climbed ever higher

casting a shadow upon

 the man turning the key

opening the large doors of

the chapel.

He always arrived an hour

or two before any other filled

a pew.

Time to reflect, time

 to pray, time to ask

for wisdom, patience, and

feet of clay.

“Lord Jesus, lend me

your eyes that I might

see this flock as you do.

Give me your heart to

love all whom you send

my way and a discerning

mind that wisdom would flow, Amen.”

Standing and grasping his Bible

he started toward the sanctuary

as muffled voices and distant

car doors announced the

arrival of the congregation.

The Pastor knew he would

be here and there was nothing

he could do because the

unwelcomed guest

always received an

invitation from me

and from you.

He would sit in the

very front row knowing

every word of scripture

but not letting it show.

He wasn’t there to learn,

fellowship, or become

more like the Savior. No,

none of those things is

what he did savor.

The Pastor sighed deeply

upon stepping to the pulpit

as he recognized their guest

was already working the room.

The people were settled into their

familiar clicks. The poor sat in the far rear

while the affluent took the lead.

 But none sat next to the family

 who lived without running water,

Their respectable senses

were aghast.

Tongue clicks and whispers veiled under breath

spread disdain and disgust in the

presence of such an obvious

disgrace.

Over there perched the family of judges,

who would snicker and point with their eyes

to alert one another that there was laughter to be had

or condemnation to be made of those just entering

the sanctuary.

The Bennet family, fragile as can be,

sat holding one another in their

fear and in their grief. They had lost a son

in Iraq last summer and now their little one

is fighting cancer. Their faith is stretched thin but

they have not given up hope. Our Guest is

trying his best to destroy them but he is failing.

Then you have those who feel it

their duty to reveal your sin, criticize

your worship or prayer life, and condemn

those who are struggling.

 In their reason,

 one is sick, barren, in

financial woe or experiencing

heart ache due to some unconfessed

sin.

 “Get right with God and your

hardship will be delivered.” is the chant

they cry in disapproving condemnation.

Driving divisions among God’s people

is his favorite activity and we are

so willing to play.

Yes, he is here and they invited him

as they do regardless of the warnings.

He knows the Bible better than most

Christians but he does not see its truth.

His hardened heart does not feel

the forgiving love of Christ.

Instead, it angers him and

he takes his fury out upon

the flock.

“They have more than us. She is far prettier or talented

than I. I heard…cheated on his wife. God cannot

love or forgive you since you did that horrible

thing in your past. You are not good enough to succeed. Your

beliefs are childish superstitions. You will fail.”

Lies, his favorite lies, he uses against

the flock.

He has enjoyed great success in

invading the church and scattering the flock.

His minions carry out his orders sewing

discord, jealousy, bigotry, hatred, and

cynicism where ever they go.

Church after church has fallen to his

attacks.

He is becoming angrier

and fiercer as he

sees his time ebbing away.

He tortures any who work

to follow the Savior’s path.

Yes, Satan is the first one in church

and the last one to leave because turning

one Christian to sin bringing him to ruin

will convince 1000 more souls to reject

Jesus because of his sinful people.

Satan loves to use fallen Christians because

it hurts the Father deeply when his children stray.

He will never give up, never stop, and never

show mercy.

Children of God, take warning and

be on guard so you do not

become one of Satan’s favorite tools.

In a world of pain and destruction,

be determined not to add to the

brokenness of Creation.

Instead, build…repair…create

and healing will be had in your church,

home, work place, social group, neighborhood

and maybe, just maybe, it will keep going and

heal our lands.

 

 

“If my people, who are called by my name, shall humble themselves and pray then I shall hear from heaven and heal their lands.” God

Hands of Time


by

Tina Blackledge

Sunshine peaks over my shoulder
through a window in need of some
attention. Warming rays ease the ache
in hands I find myself inspecting too diligently.

As often done before, I wait.
A crowded room, everyone on his
own journey either waiting to open the
next door or continuing their next step
upon a well worn path.

Although I hear the buzz of a busy office,
chit chat of fellow patients, a discussion of
lunch choices by hungry staff, and the
peel of laughter from daytime talk
show audiences emanating from a distant corner.

My vision is focused upon my hands but
my thoughts are inward. My hands are not
feminine, delicate, or beautiful. Rough skin
indicates years of laborious activity.
A lack of manicured nails accentuates the
fact these hands have seen
more work than pampering play.
A bit bent, a bit swollen, fingers
glide over the many scars that
have accumulated over the years.
Touching each evokes memories
embedded in the patterns.

These hands have know tenderness
tickling a niece or nephew to sleep.
They have known labor that was
both paid and to fulfill an open need.
Fury and rage have been expressed
when they were clenched tightly.
Yet, they have also created
beauty, recorded words of
some worth, and just
clasped the hand
of another whose
heart had just broken.

These are not great hands
of great worth but they
have done important
things for many in a small
circle of friends, family, and strangers.
I thank God because they should be
twisted and gnarled by now, useless,
and nothing but claws but
God has allowed me to keep
the use of my hands regardless
of my body’s failings. I Thank
God for loving mercy, for these
hands still work.

My thoughts are interrupted when
the nurse calls my name. I clasp
the walker and pull myself up
pausing a moment to allow my
legs to get the message that
it is time to work now. As
I take my first step,
clasping the walker
with all my strength, I silently
thank God for his mercy and love,
for I should not be able to walk.
No, I should be bed ridden, but
against the odds, I stand, I walk,
I have use of my hands and my
mind is still sharp.

As I traverse the waiting room,
I smile at fellow patients who
are at least two to three decades
older than I. Some are in
worse condition but some
are only beginning this journey.
They look at me with an array
of expressions; confusion,
skepticism, scorn,
judgment, empathy,
and the most destructive,
Pity.

Again, I answer each of their
expressions with a polite
smile, for they do not
know my journey
and what I have
conquered to
arrive in the
now.

I
feel pity for them
because they do not understand
but they will as the disease progresses
and begins to rob them of everything
they have ever held dear.
Eventually, they
will arrive where
I find myself today
in the
very lonely
very isolated
now.

The doctor’s visits
have become routine used
only to fulfill insurance
requirements. The care is not
curative but palliative, for I
know she will say, “I am sorry
but there is nothing we can do
to stop this monster from
destroying your body.” Of
course, I already know this
and try to reassure her that it
is Okay and that I know
she has done all she could
do in modern medicine.

Yes,
I am grateful, for
I know my now should be
much worse than it is so I
thank God for his mercy and love.
For some reason, He is delaying the
worst this disease has to offer and I must
take advantage of the now because
tomorrow will be too late.

Crushing a Songbird but expecting a Melody


by
Tina Blackledge
3-8-2015

Are you happy?
I wonder.
Does it bring you hope
to make me cry?

Are you happy?
I wonder.
When you cause pain,
confusion and fear?

Are you happy,
you who were
beloved?
You, who were
favored by God?

Can you feel…anything?
Do you feel any sense of hope
when you torture the
children of God?

Are you happy?
I wonder.
You, were bathed in
God’s pure love?
Why wasn’t that enough
for you?

You cannot be God.
You are not God.
So you take, meddle,
confuse and
destroy.

Does it make you happy?
I wonder.
Do you find delight
when you play with people’s
lives?

You use the tears and blood
of millions, who call
God, Father, to keep
yourself alive.

Does it make your existence
any less pathetic
any less loathsome
to taint the existence
of mankind?

Thousands of years
have come and gone.
You have created madness,
atrocities, sicknesses and disasters.
You have sent your demons
to lure God’s children away
with your filthy lies.

You have crushed millions
of lives. Worse, you have
crushed souls
twisting them to your
will.

Thousands of years…
We are still here.
We still have hope.
We still have faith.
You have failed.

You, who’s name meant
beautiful, have failed
again.
You may be relentless
but so are we.

Are you really happy?
Enjoy it.
If it makes you smile
to
hurt me by causing
those I love to betray me,
Smile.

Were you happy
when my innocence
was stolen?
Smile.

If it brings you happiness
to destroy my career,
smile.

If it brings you joy
to
keep me in poverty,
Smile.

If you gain delight
in stealing my mobility,
Smile.

If you feel happy
causing my flesh to
decay turning me into
a monster.
Smile.

If you experience happiness
torturing my body
with chronic pain and exhaustion.
Smile.

If you felt happy as
you broke my heart
taking the only man I
ever loved,
Smile.

If you find joy in
taking my
life,
Smile.

I know your game.
I know your tactics.
I know your name.
I know your end.
You lose.
You LOSE.

All of your efforts are
futile.
We are at war and when
you attack me, it
gives me opportunity
to poison your hope
because I refuse to
let go of mine. I
pray it is a bitter taste
upon your palette.

I am happy knowing
that I irritate you. I know
you hate me and I am grateful.

You have been trying to destroy
my body, mind, heart, and faith
since I was a very small child.

I must scare you, my God given
purpose must scare you, because you
have been trying so hard to destroy me.

You are desperate and for you
to pick on a human child of God shows
the depth of that desperation. I may not
always be strong. I may not always
feel hopeful, joyful, or even thankful
to my Father but I will never
give up the fight against you.

I have survived hardship, heartbreak,
suffering, persecution, and I
know the future holds much more
but you are denied victory.

When you finally cause this body
to fail, I will go where you are not
allowed to tread. I will enter the gates of
heaven and you will be one
step closer to your
permanent demise.

I know, according to
society’s measurement, I am nothing.
Yet, I am a child of God, under persecution,
and I hold firm to my hope and faith.

That makes me a warrior against you and
that makes me dangerous to your
evil plots. I will reveal your hand.
I will show those struggling that it is
you and not God that is causing them
pain. I will name you and place
the shame upon your shoulders
where it belongs.

I will help the hopeless
find the light. I will fight to reveal your
evil plan in their lives. I will use my last breath
to expose your charade so all can see
and know their pain is due
to a once beloved angel
who is embittered, jealous, and
vengeful.

You pick on the weak
and helpless, creatures you
consider to be useless. You think
we are beneath you and undeserving
of the Father’s love. We are undeserving
but He chose to love us anyway.

Are you happy?
I wonder.
No matter how hard you have
tried throughout the millennia,
you have not managed to destroy
the hope and faith that we continue
to hold in our hearts.
We continue to teach our children
We continue to die in the name of
our Lord. In the name of our Creator, in
our Loving Father.

Why wasn’t His love
enough?
You had everything and threw it
away.

Now you spend your existence
making yourself happy by
hurting God’s children.
Worse, you do this with the full
knowledge that you will
never win, never, ever.

Go ahead, keep trying
You will not win.
You will not win.

I am weary, I am tired
and it is not my destiny to
destroy you. But, I will
thwart your plans in anyway
I can and I will serve the one
who will bring your eternal
doom.

Go ahead, smile.

Here I am Lord…Send Me


by
Tina Blackledge
2-28-15

Isaiah 6:8
Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?”
I said, “Here I am. Send me.”

Song with Lyrics

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LoMboxzm0U

As I was growing up, this became one of my favorite hymns to sing in church. Experience, understanding, hardship and struggle brought a deeper meaning to the lyrics and emotions attached. Even though I have sung this song many times during worship over the years it still manages to bring a tear to my eye. Of course, as I matured the meaning of the words held increasing gravity. Accepting that the Lord creates each of us with a very specific role in this creation and that he, himself, took the time to “knit me together in my mother’s womb” began a search for that role.
As a child, I could not wait to grow up and become an adult. I hated being a child and I would never go back to those days even if it were possible. Consequently, I was greatly relieved when I finally reached adulthood even though it came with its own challenges it was a different level of hell and I had a marginal say and choice in the path I should take. My faith walk has not always been steadfast and I confess to struggling deeply with my relationship with God throughout my early adulthood. I always believed God was there but there were times I did not feel that he was there for me or that he even cared. There are so many erroneous messages with cultural and societal norms attached to them that faith has become mechanical and regimented. This has been the case since the early church was formed. There have always been those attached to ceremony, routine, and legalistic interpretation of the Scriptures ignoring that a personal relationship with Christ was and is necessary. Each of us must search for our savior and discover what we were put on this Earth to accomplish.
This sounds as if it would be an easy task if we identify our skill set, passion, and talents then the result should be fairly simple, right? Well, it would be nice if it worked that way but once again, human kind, get in the way. Whether it be that the person gets in their own way by making selfishly poor life choices or the society one grows up in refuses to allow that person a level of human respect and equality of opportunity. The social norms and mores of each society are different as is the value system. Of course, each society puts it’s “brand” out there (it’s ideal of how life should be lived) but has institutionalized division within society. Some societies publicly advertise that there exist “natural” and strict divisions within their society enforced by legal/religious codes. In the United States, we did this with most obvious disgrace when we subjugated African-Americans but that is far from the only example. The longest running lie in America is that of the attainability of the “American Dream”. Now there are many faults in this ideology with the most obvious being its materialistic foundation. However, I do not want this post to turn into a political debate because my intent is to discuss something far more important. Something every single human being hungers for throughout their life. Each of us needs to have a purpose. We all need our individual lives to have meaning in some way.
As we grow, mature, learn, and experience life our assessment of success and fulfillment changes over time. If it doesn’t then we surely have missed our purpose because we were far too busy chasing after self-fulfillment, self-pleasure, buying into what the world was screaming and celebrating as success. One thing is certain; if you are pleasing the world then you are doing something wrong. Regardless of whether you “buy into religion” or not, you make choices every day that either help or harm the world or at least your little corner of it. In the U.S. we have a large societal problem, okay many large societal problems, but one that has become cancerous is the belief of entitlement just because one is born. This problem has become wide-spread being fed by massive inequities, corrupt authority figures, and evil growing deep roots within ALL religions.
The hymn, “Here I am Lord, send me” is the forerunner to what we Christians call the ‘Great Commission’ given by Christ himself to go out and share his love with everyone. The song was based from the Book of Isaiah chapter 6 beginning with verse 8. The summation, although I strongly encourage you to investigate it yourself and not take my word for it, reveals a discussion between God and a man named Isaiah. God is asking Isaiah who he should send to teach others about him and his love. Now, understand this is a parent asking his child a question to which he already knows the answer. This is a famous technique used by many parents to try to help their child discern where the truth or value of the truth really lies. God knew that he would send Isaiah and that Isaiah would eagerly accept this task but he still posed it to Isaiah as a question, for Isaiah still had a choice here. This interaction has created a limitation in some people’s minds as to the fulfillment or importance of the task/calling/career/job/vocation for which God has created them. Most folks read this story and believe that serving God or fulfilling your life’s purpose means that a geographic relocation is necessary. Some fail to realize that his or her purpose may have nothing to do with ‘going out into the world’; instead, it may mean that God will ask you to take a detour on your own life path and it may be a one that is not very desirable. It may be downright terrifying. In fact, most of the time it is interpreted as a punishment from God or a direct result of a specific sin committed. We do not see it as calling. We do not interpret it as a request from God to our hearts to travel a path that is filled with danger, pain, and/or suffering. The situation is exacerbated by those around us who reinforce those negative interpretations. Now, understand, I am not saying that humans do not create their own problems at times and then suffer the consequences because that would be ludicrous. Anytime we make a decision based solely on selfish indulgence then there will consequences for which we and maybe others must pay. There is a natural system of consequences to our decisions whether they are good or bad. Every single choice you make has a fallout to it and again it could be positive or negative. It will have a ripple effect throughout humanity and all of creation. This idea is represented in all cultures in one form or another. In China, Confucius presented this concept as ‘Chain reasoning’ and it is just as applicable today as it was so long ago.
When you, as a Christian, ask the Lord to show you what he needs you to do, what purpose your life is to fulfill because you are eager to get started and make a difference then you must open your heart to any and all possibilities. God may ask us to step off the path we thought we were supposed to take, and in fact, that may have been our primary path but now he is asking us to take a bit of detour that may change our direction while maintaining the destination.
Consider for a moment the possibility that the things we consider to be bad/terrible/life altering events in our lives may indeed lead us to a road that we do not want to traverse. A few examples to consider, a period of financial ruin, serious illness, homelessness, hunger, persecution, a career bombing out, entering a drug/alcohol rehab program clearly illustrate there are paths where we, ourselves, began the journey through our own selfish desires. Other examples may be the direct or indirect result of a selfish decisions made by another that has had a trickle down effect causing you suffering. It is not that God has caused this suffering but he will use what mankind meant to hurt you to bring you where he needs you to be. There may be someone else along that path that may not make it if you do not travel down that path because you might be the only person to offer him/her a glimpse of the hope and love God has to offer them.
You may not have a choice to suffer or not but there are thousands of choices you make along that journey that will define it. Truthfully, it may be the last leg of your journey before you are called home but that fact does not absolve you from your duty. Understand, I am not saying that you have to have a stupid, silly smile on your face as if you have just suddenly lost your wits while enduring hellish suffering or torment but the manner in which you travel the path, the way you communicate your faith, the attitude you present throughout the hardship and suffering are all examples of how you live your faith or fail to live your faith. All of us were created for a purpose and the path we are asked to traverse is not a single road that leads from point A to point B; instead, it is a path filled with detours, off ramps, and on ramps, massive periods of construction and points of massive disaster. If it were to be drawn out it would look like a multilevel super highway structure with thousands of possible entry and exit points but all roads would lead to the same destination. The choices we make along the way will define the journey. Our actions and inactions will have consequences. Our words will either draw people toward the love of Christ or they will push them away. So when you are looking for purpose and meaning to your life, when you ask God to “send you” understand the fact that it may not mean packing a bag and jumping on an airplane. Sometimes it is jumping on a hospital bed to shine for a person who is lost in the dark. To help a person hold on when the last thread to which they are clinging is fraying. Sometimes struggles, hardships, or suffering has nothing to do with you directly (only that it is your body, mind, soul, or heart doing the suffering) only that you had to traverse this path in order to be there for someone who is lost. You will be truly amazed what God can do through us when we get out of his way and accept the journey one step at a time. An added bonus that is a direct result of hardships, suffering, struggles and pain is the massive opportunity to gain a wealth of wisdom, compassion, love, faith and understanding.

“Whom shall I send?” asks the Lord. “Send me Lord.” I answer

Why Am I?


Opening my eyes
greeted by my pups
yapping good morning.

I have to move,
I must get out of bed
and I think, ‘Why again,
did I want dogs?’ but then
their exuberant kisses,
happy eyes and wagging tails
quickly remind me.

I muster my strength
and pull myself to the edge
of the bed, simultaneously
praying for the ability
and offering praise for
each and every inch.

My pups cheer me on
until I am upright
wobbling my way
to the bathroom.

Putting on my robe
releases another round
of barking, but now in urgency.
I move as quickly as
my body will permit.

By the time I hobble my
way to the living room,
start the routine and
hook them to their
leashes they are
dancing in circles.

I grasp the leashes tightly,
grimace at the pain,
then open the door.
They bound outside
to find their favorite
spots then scout out
the yard for nightly
critter activity.

I descend the five steps
that lead to my home
stiff-legged holding
firmly to the leashes.
Walking to my favorite
spot, a lawn chair
providing a picturesque view
between several large,
beautiful trees. Wispy
white clouds are
streaked across the
blue expanse.

I praise God for this gift
and begin thinking. First,
I think of the tasks
that need accomplished,
the tasks that I would
like to accomplish,
and then the ones that will
actually get accomplished.

I dismiss the aches and pains,
and the spasms in my back,
while inspecting the ulcerations
upon my skin.

Now I have time to ponder,
“Why am I?”

Just Me…


Just me…
by
Tina Blackledge
6-9-2010

I am a faithful friend
a loving daughter
taking care of both my
Mother and my Father.

I am a sister too,
making certain they know
my love is true

I am a caretaker
of broken hearts…
but cannot seem to find
the salve to heal
what has torn my own apart.

I trust…and then pay the price
I offer my genuine self
and am told I must
put it back on the shelf.

When I give… everything is fine
but should I reveal a need
it is treated as a crime.

When you are angry or in distress
I will champion you as if it were a quest

I give all…
Why…why is it not enough?
Why can’t I be just me?
Why am I not enough?

Many tell me I am great
but
too many open the gate of hate and ridicule.

I trust…
What a huge mistake!
I take the bait and then they wait…
As jackals in a lurking state.

For when I reveal who I
really am…
It happens again!

How can you be so
stupid?
Why did you dare believe
that you could ever
be…just me.

Replace the mask
play the game
because in the end
you have only yourself
to blame.

Is it a self-fulfilling prophecy…
this line of logic is steadfast
but only in the mind of an ass.

Blame the broken if you must
especially when they dare to trust.
For the prize can be called fate…when
they fail you reaffirm that you are great.

After all, they never really had a chance…
Live comfortably in your delusion, for
the day will come
when you comprehend that
‘just me’ was far more
vast than the sea.