Soaring upon Broken Wings; Becoming Whole

A slight tingling began atop her toes traveling through her limbs, sinews, until each cell was humming with life. The faint sound of clear water dancing happily over and under rocks, limbs, and around bends tickled her ears tempting her to open her eyes. Automatically, her body took a long deep breath filling her lungs with a lightly sweet, clear breath embracing her taste buds with a delectable blend of honey and roses. A sigh releases the air she had claimed as her own.

Willing her eyelids to lift seemed to be a herculean effort causing confusion and a host of inner questions. Her first attempt was met with brilliance so overwhelming she closed her eyes tighter than before. She decided to allow her other senses to communicate to her instead. Beneath her she felt a sun-warmed, soft bed of what her nose identified as tender new grass shoots. Outstretching her arms upon the surface, she concluded she must be lying in a field and not just a bed made from fresh grass. As she slowly caressed the immediate landscape she observed the absence of pebbles, roots, insects or other debris that might have marred her rest area.

A warm honeysuckle breeze danced over her frame causing a slight shiver. It was not cold but the wind skipped atop her skin as if it were trying to encourage her to proceed ever further in her exploration. Softly, slowly the sunbeams kissed her skin bringing color to her cheeks. The rapid beat of hummingbird wings combined with song birds, chirping chipmunks, and the splash of jumping fish soothed her ears. She wanted this moment to last forever as she had never felt such sensations in all her lived long life.

Raising her hand to her eyes she made a second attempt to view the world around her. Gradually her vision began to adjust to the brilliance. It was not a moment too soon as her curiosity had worked itself into a frenzy. At first, the light was so bright that she considered for a moment that the space she occupied was devoid of all color and definition. The adjustment was agonizingly slow but shapes and colors eventually began to come into focus. She was indeed in a field of new grass hemmed in by large evergreens creating an alcove of sorts. Flowers, animals, song birds, and large colorful butterflies among other creatures shared the pristine patch of creation with her. They seemed to be absent of all fear of her and of each other.

Although she considered herself well-versed, the awe inspiring beauty in which she found herself defied description. Still in a reclined position, she found herself looking up into the large brown eyes of a new fawn. A broad smile graced her countenance while the joy she felt bubbled out in the form of a giggle. The fawn cocked his head in wonder at the strange creature that had suddenly arrived in this blessed habitat. Long graceful lashes batted toward her as if the small creature were encouraging her to move. She slowly pushed herself up into a sitting position then froze as if struck by lightning. Two bright blue butterflies with yellow spots were performing a clumsy but intricate ballet within her field of vision but her mind was racing with another thought so overwhelming that she was not able to fully appreciate the pair.

What just happened? Her mind demanded. She returned to a laying position and searched the sky for familiar markers but all she could see was light. No sun, no clouds, no horizon only light. Her breathing became rapid now as she repeated the action of sitting up and lying down in quick succession. Each time she accomplished the task her smile became ever broader until she was squealing with delight. With her last sit-up she followed through to a standing position. It happened with such ease that she was certain this all must be a glorious dream and began thanking her Father for this precious gift.

Looking down for the first time, she noticed she was adorned with a light flowing shift made of the softest gossamer that just tickled the top of her feet. When her inspection reached her hands she took a sharp breath. They were not swollen, red, or disfigured. She flexed them with ease and tears began to accumulate as her bodily survey continued. Nothing was swollen, no sores, and her skin was perfect! None of her digits were bent askew making them unusable; no pain raced throughout her body…no pain. Her hands flew to her head where she found a full head of hair flowing down her back. Her hands lingered in her locks as the welled tears flowed freely from their pools. Without hesitation she ran to the creek, knelt down, and peered into the crystal water. Her thick wavy hair tumbled forward framing her face. The reflection revealed a beautiful woman without blemish. So foreign was this reflection that she turned around quickly to see who was standing over her but the space was occupied by family of rabbits happily munching on clover.

Almost afraid to look upon the reflection again for fear it would be different, she hesitated to return her gaze back toward the glassy pool of water. She chided herself for wasting time in this wonderful dream and returned her attention to a reflection she had to admit to be her own. None of the scars the disease had created were there, no, her skin was so smooth and soft that it felt as if it were a newborn’s skin. Her tongue raced back and forth across her teeth making her smile ever greater. They were all there, perfect, white and shining back through her tear glazed eyes. While growing up she only allowed herself to believe that she had three features that she could consider beautiful, her hair, her eyes, and her teeth. When the ailments and medications attacked them, distorted them and caused their eventual loss, she felt truly hideous in the eyes of mankind. Of course, the skin ulcerations completed the package of ‘monster’ in her eyes. Not only did she not think of herself as a real woman any longer but she barely felt human.

But this…this was not possible…this was amazing, for she was beautiful, she was whole, without blemish. Could this be how she would have existed if creation had not been broken by sin? Could this vision before her be who God sees when he looks upon her?

While these realizations filled her with the utmost joy and thanksgiving her second conclusion blew her away.

“There is no pain…, no…pain but how can this be?”

she marveled as she recounted all the movements she had just performed without giving any of them a second thought. She just thought about them and did it without hesitation or a “game plan” to complete them as per her usual routine.

“No pain? No Pain? No Pain! No Pain!” She cried aloud while jumping up and down in sheer and utter delight.

Born with a chronic pain-filled progressive disease, the woman had never known a single moment where pain had not accompanied her upon her journey. Is this really how other people wake up every day? This is amazing, stupendous, miraculous…yes…it …is….miraculous! Yet, it went far beyond the absence of physical pain. Her heart that had been bruised, crushed, destroyed and reconstructed on multiple occasions did not hurt. There was an absence of sadness. In fact, the very concept of pain was beginning to fade from her recollection as her being absorbed the reality of the world around her.

“Please, Lord, let this be more than a dream. I am sorry to be greedy and ask this of you after you have gifted me such a glorious dream but this is too wonderful from which to awake!” She cried in earnest to her Heavenly Father.

The breeze stilled and the creatures silenced their musings as she felt a presence there with her. It was not menacing but it was quite powerful. Trembling a bit, she slowly turned instantly recognizing the lamb standing before her. She fell to her knees and worshiped him and thanking him for this glorious gift. His hand encompassed hers bringing her to a standing position.

“My child, you are home. Your work is complete and now you are finally home. Your body is perfect, without illness, without pain, without a single symptom of a creation broken. This is not a dream child. This, my dear daughter, is eternity and it is with a glad heart that I welcome you to dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”

To all my friends and family who are broken in some manner,

Remember, this is not your home. You were put here to do a job and when that job is complete, the Father will bring you home so do not despair in the pain and sorrow of today. Do not overly grieve for loved ones who have gone home, for they have earned their reward and are enjoying eternity. After all, it is not good-bye, not really because we will be reunited. Pain is the weapon of Satan because he knows if he weakens us then buries us with troubles our spirits will weaken and our faith may die. Nothing would please him more.
However, have fair warning, if you choose not to follow God’s plan for your life and never start or complete the job he created you for that will not preclude you from death. It will only mean that you wasted your life delaying the healing of creation, for the Father will create another to do the job you were supposed to do.

16 thoughts on “Soaring upon Broken Wings; Becoming Whole

    • Hello Dear Tina,

      My health is progressively bad as it has been since I was five years old. Today is a good day but this piece offers my ultimate dream. I hunger to be home with my heavenly father where no pain, sadness, or heartache will be felt. Nevertheless, my work here is not finished so I will continue to dream while I work to accomplish my goals. Thank you so much for your caring ways. Blessings to you, my dear.


      • Since you were 5 Yrs old. What happened to you Tina? I’m not feeling good reading this. I just wish may every coming day be good for you & may you get happiness in life with health miracles… because I don’t know what’s going on… I don’t want to write anything to hurt your feelings but I trust by now you know me to some extent & we share that level of understanding. I would always want you to stay here & find all the happiness you dream of in this place. You never know when your life may find new meanings, things & situations change… I just hope & wish all good for you right here.
        Please take care & forgive me if at all for anything I misunderstood.
        May you always be around to enhance the beauty of my post with your lovely comments & to share with all of us your wonderful & creative writing along with the beautiful YOU.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh Sweetie,

        Your words are always welcome and never misunderstood. Your heart is loving and kind; therefore, I could never find malice amongst them. My very early posts in this blog explain the whole story of my ailments but I will re-cap them for you.
        When I was five, my body revealed itself to have developed Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA). It is an auto-immune disorder where your own immune system attacks your body. I have it in every joint; hence, it has made life difficult but I have lived my life normally. RA and the treatments for it cause a host of subsequent health issues. I have developed Vasculitis, which is caused by the inflammation of the circulatory system. Its kind of like blowing up a balloon repeatedly until it gives out and bursts. This causes ulcerations inside and outside the body. The skin is the obvious part people see but it will eventually lead to organ failure, stroke, or heart attack. It has begun to affect my lungs. Chronic pain and reduced mobility to eventual crippling is occuring due to the RA. The vasculitis has the potential to cause necrosis of the limbs and eventual amputation. The toxic medications I take to slow the disease down causes tooth and hair loss among other more serious impacts upon the body. However, quality of life over quantity is a choice I made long ago.
        Life has not been easy, I grew up in poverty, cared for my disabled mom for 37 years, was sexually abused by two uncles and my father between the ages of 8-13, and many, many other problems along the way.
        Nevertheless, I am blessed. I was able to earn an education, I am still mobile even though doctors have told me that I should be bed ridden by this point, I can use my hands and I have my mind. I have a strong faith in God and I have family and friends who love me. I am still in poverty and pain but neither matters any longer because I know why God has put me here and I strive to work toward that end every day.
        Although there was a time in my life where I actively tried to end my journey permanently, I have no inclination to do so any longer. I do want to be in paradise but I know God needs me here for now and I will strive to do my best every day to fulfill that purpose.
        Do not worry, my dear Tina, you could never offend me and I welcome any and all questions you may have. I am an open book and my writing comes from my years of pain, love, loss, victory, failure and faith. This piece represents where my soul longs to be but I know my work here is not complete so I must stay until my Heavenly Father calls me home. Blessings upon you my dear friend!

        Liked by 1 person

      • My Salute to you dear Tina. You are such a strong Woman. I have nothing to tell you, it’s easy for the other person to tell from outside to the ones bearing the pain to be positive, be strong, be happy, keep courage, be hopeful, not lose faith….but it’s so difficult for the person going through it all. Sometimes saying these words, ” I Understand” also seem so incorrect, so small.
        But then still the heart says, that there is nothing better than giving hope to someone who needs it. Time & again I feel & know that you yourself are so strong to deal with it all & that’s what every word of your writing says, but still can’t help saying it again that I just hope that may things work for you the way you want…& who knows what will happen tomorrow regardless of being sick from a long time or to anybody else… one who is perfectly fit & healthy…but no matter what, as long as one lives, may we keep that hope in us still alive. Sending your way smiles 🙂
        Take care my friend. God Bless you!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dearest Tina,

        Encouragement is always welcome, for the journey is long and we all need reminders to stand strong and persevere through each storm. Keep being your encouraging self, as it is so desperately needed in a world of brokenness. You are a rare jewel in a place of hard cold stones. Blessings upon you my friend and keep sharing your positive outlook on life.

        Liked by 1 person

  1. And I’ll always love you for your thoughts : “However, have fair warning, if you choose not to follow God’s plan for your life and never start or complete the job he created you for that will not preclude you from death. It will only mean that you wasted your life delaying the healing of creation, for the Father will create another to do the job you were supposed to do.” Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You have my undying and unlimited love as well. Your strength through hardships prove you are a warrior who strives to bring as much light into your corner of the world as possible. You are an amazing young woman and I am excited to see how the Lord will use your talents to heal others. Never let anyone convince you otherwise! I Pray abundant blessings upon you, my dear friend.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much Arlene. I am so pleased that you liked my musings. I am not surprised that you were able to feel what I wrote about because you are very empathetic person and you have traversed your own hardships and suffering that have equipped you with a loving, compassionate, and empathetic soul! I am grateful the Lord brought us together through friendship.


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