Through Your Eyes


I was beautiful
I was loved
I was safe

Your words embraced
my soul making
it shine as
brightly as
the sun.

I was a precious treasure
beyond all price.
I felt invincible
shielded against
the darkness

Miraculously,
Your love was the salve
lessening my pain.

Your melodic voice awoke
schoolgirl delights
I had no idea existed.

Foreign and wondrous
was this glorious love to
my heart.
Unexpected innocence
gave rise to your surprise.

You were so gentle,
loving, protective, and
patient. You were my
champion, my prince,
my darling man.

Darkness lurked
in the shadows of
which we spoke.
Vows of everlasting love
beyond this broken creation
were generously lavished
upon one another.

Oh God, how I prayed that you
would be the one to say good bye
to me but that wasn’t meant to be.

I yearn to hear your words,
see your gaze, and feel the
humble power of your love
within me once more.

Time has become meaningless.
Gazing into your eyes,
hungering to taste your lips
the warmth of your breath
whispering soft words of love
into my soul sending
burning chills throughout
every cell.

Embrace me and I will
lose myself in your
world, forevermore.

Frustration plagued you,
for you thought
you had given nothing.
Oh my darling, sweet prince
you healed my heart
and completed my soul.
What greater gift can a
man provide a woman?

The air I breathe was
once yours. Water that
washes me anew once
once caressed your being.
Winds stroke my cheek
once provided you comfort
on hot afternoons.

You are all around me. You are now
a part of my being. You are the very
air that I breathe so why, my darling,
do I feel so alone? Why do I feel as if
I am adrift upon an iceberg in a raging
frigid sea? Why does the memory of
your sweet voice feel like icy
splinters pelting my flesh?
Why did it have to be you
instead of me?

I liked the person you
saw when you looked
upon me. I liked being
truly happy for the first
time in my existence.
Through your eyes, life
was no longer a burden
but a gift.

Through your eyes, I found
myself eagerly
contemplating a future.

Through your eyes I
saw the very best me
I could ever be.

I love you Ajay, my Prince
among men. You were my
soul mate and I will always
cherish the time we were given.

Pure selfishness requires more,
for I want you here in my arms.
I want to caress your brow
and wash your face with my kisses.

Tightly to my breasts would
I hold you so death could not steal you.
Your eyes would become heavy
as the beat of my heart lulled
you into a deep sleep.
Your eyes are brimming.
My own are overflowing
creating streamlets of sorrow.

Softly my lips graze your eyelids
giving them permission
to close and find rest.
My lips quiver as they find yours,
I linger there tasting your sweetness.

I would beg you to take
whatever breath and life
I have within me.
My lips are on fire in contrast to
your cooling flesh.
Please, do not leave me my prince.
Please stay or take me with you,
for I cannot stand the thought
of becoming invisible again. I liked the
way you saw me.

Through your eyes,
my soul awakened
becoming what it
was created to be.

I miss you Ajay,
my beloved,
forevermore.

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32 thoughts on “Through Your Eyes

      • Thanks Tina
        Take care of yourself. I really hope you feel better soon. I have nothing much to say but if Sir could see you from somewhere he wouldn’t be happy to see you like this.
        Sending your way lot of smiles 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh Tina,

        You knew him well. I could just hear Ajay saying, “Oooh My Darling, do not cry. I only want to take away your pain and give you happiness. Please do not be so sad.”. We talked about this possibility often but I always hoped it would be me to die first. I have found that the worse I feel physically the more I miss Ajay, for he was a lovely distraction from the crap I have to deal with day in and day out. Now my body and my heart hurt in tandem. He would hate that I am sad but it is hard to fight to get through the day knowing he is not there to care and love me. Its difficult. I had lived 43 years doing it on my own and was surviving then he loved me and I discovered happiness and bliss could exist in this creation, in this life and I did not have to wait to get to paradise to experience it. It was an amazing discovery but now I know what I am missing . Before I felt like I was going through life trudging through wet sand but now its like trying to walk through cement. I am very weary of life but what can be done? Ajay isn’t coming back, the RA is only going to get worse, the winter is going to be brutal, and my days of trying to check out of this planet early are behind me. What is left? Suffering. However, I still have many friends and family who love me and are lifting me up in prayer and I know that is what is providing me the strength to endure. Thank you so much for your lovely spirit and kind heart.

        Many hugs to you.

        Like

    • Dearest Diane,

      Thank you so much for your kindness and love. I miss him terribly and now when my RA decides to torture me, he is not here to distract me so I feel the pain intensely. That in turn makes my heart feel heavy with profound sadness. gentle hugs to you.

      Like

  1. Hey Tina, I have known Sir only for sometime when I came across his wonderful, inspiring blogs & as I mentioned earlier in my tribute to him. If at all you heard something from me which sounds similar that’s because you somewhere know in your heart the answers. Everyone who cares for you would not like seeing you sad.
    Sometimes I really wish that, if I had a magic wand I could have taken away the sorrows & sufferings of all just by a hocus-pocus but unfortunately things don’t work that way. But I sure believe in…feel good therapy…that’s my own way of handling tough times I guess.( do everything that makes you feel good & surround yourself with the same people) Of’course we always get it from people who care for us. It’s a blessing to be surrounded by such people specially at such times & I’m glad you have such family & friends who care & are there for you.
    As much as they are… a very important part of this feel good therapy, so are we ourselves. Frankly, I’m a very emotional person reading your posts I go speechless, I don’t understand what shall I tell you to feel better but still I feel like saying something. Often times I’m scared to may not hurt any sick persons feelings. Because I know all I can do is just encourage & pray.
    So if at all I wrote something that you may not like, I’m sorry for that but always remember you are in my prayers.
    Just take care of yourself as much as you can & God will do the rest.
    Smiles 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. There is much love confined in his beautiful poem, it’s amazing his ability to create art from the deepest pain.
    Ajay will feel very proud of you, I think he also felt lucky and knew that you were the best present we could leave …
    All losses are painful, his is irreparable … I wish that all your good memories help you.
    I keep by visiting his blog regularly, that keeps him alive in my mind … but I miss the beautiful avatar of Ajay in my posts …
    I would like to offer consolation but I know that is not possible at this time.
    A big hug Tina.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dear Sweet Belén,
      You are so tender hearted and kind! Writing helps me to get my feeling out and knowing there are so many people on WP who loved Ajay too help me to deal with his loss. He was a gift to all of us and even in death, he brings all the people whom he loved together. I am so very grateful that his connections have allowed me to meet some of the most wonderful people I have ever encountered. Not only are you all brilliant and talented but your hearts are loving and compassionate. I find solace in that knowledge and I go back and read through his blogs, more accurately, I read his comments to everyone, for that is where is loving spirit is most beautifully expressed. Thank you so very much for considering me a friend and allowing my broken spirit to share its sadness and its joy with you! God bless you richly dear, dear Belén and have a glorious weekend!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. What a beautiful tribute to one of the kindest souls I’ve ever met.
    I miss him too, he was so amazing.
    Surely, he’s looking down and shakes his head with a glowing heart while reading your lovely words. He never understand why he was so special for so many people.
    One of a kind.
    You brought tears to my eyes, I will remember him forever.
    Lots of love and strength to you ❤

    Like

    • You are so right. Ajay never understood how much he impacted people. He was so humble and would always tell me in response to my praise, “oh my darling, I am just normal.” I loved his spirit and generous, loving manner. He will dwell in our hearts forever. Thank you for your lovely praise of my work. It takes very little effort to express feelings from the depth of your soul. Be well my friend and have a glorious day.

      Like

  4. I’m so sorry you lost your dear Ajay. I was looking for him, but couldn’t find his blog anymore and this morning I saw that he is no longer with us. That was quite a shock. We know he was ill, that was the last we read of him in August. So sorry for your lost, May God give you the strenghts to carry on. Soft Pawkisses, Little Binky and Granny.

    Like

    • Dearest Genie,

      Thank you so much for your comments. I am pleased you found value in my work. My inspiration was abundant. I am endeavoring to achieve balance through embracing the love while filtering the pain of loss. I pray blessings upon you!

      Liked by 2 people

      • I knew Ajay too, it’s me, Genie, I used to have: A Place Called Love, but I decided to start anew.

        Ajay loved my poetry and even though on that blog I usually didn’t have comments open, he would often leave me a message via the contact page letting me know how much he appreciated my work and found it inspiring. Really treasure that, coming from such a great artist as he was.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dearest Genie,

        I apologize. Yes, Ajay had the most wonderful way of going the extra mile to let you know how special he thought you were. He was a great treasure and I am so very happy that those of us left behind can share the love he gave so generously. I pray your day is beyond blessed. Please, keep writing and sharing your wonderful work!

        Liked by 1 person

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