A War Won


by
Tina Blackledge
7-14-2014

Is it the 4th or 5th day now?
I suppose it matters not. It will end
when it ends and not a moment beforehand.

Why do you stay?
I am feverish, achy, exhausted.
My resolve wanes as the days drag
onward. This flare has to end
sometime. It is a minor one to be certain
but I am becoming woefully weary.

Why do you stay?

This body is broken, has been
for a very long time. There is no
quick fix or special remedy
money can buy. No
hope exists for a “happily ever-after.”

Why do you stay?

If I could, I would run far, far
away. Battle weary, hard
won victories leaving
behind severe scars. Another
thing to deal with, another pill
to take making that much
deeper the stake.

I must stay.

In bed we lay. Tonight,
it is I who is in need. You are there
wrapping your arms around me
lending me your strength.
You whisper sweet words
of love and comfort while
my body is a fire, swollen,
trembling, longing
for the sweet promise of death.
Like acarrot dangles excruciatingly
beyond my reach.

I tell you to go, you cannot stay, for
I do not want you to see me this way!

You draw me tighter still, and speak
devoted vows of love as you dab the effort
of this battle from my brow.
Shivering with fever, blankets
Piled high, your body pressed along mine
lending me your warmth and
trying to steady the trembles, which
have taken command.

I plead with you to go, there is nothing you
can do so why do you stay? Please, just go away!

Your words of love are painful to
my soul, for I know bearing witness
holds hell untold. I do not want to see your heart
break, for then this ailment claims
two lives instead of mine alone.
You deserve to be happy and free, not bound to
someone like me.

Please, go now before it is too late, for you do not
understand what lies within my fate!

“Would you leave me, if I asked you to go?”

His tactic works its magic because he knows it could never be so.
“Never, will I go”, you proclaim
with a voice charged with raw emotions.
” I love you and will do what must be done so this
battle will be won!”

Please, please no, I cannot take your tenderness.
It is too much to bear. Hit me, hurt me, abandon me
lie to me, betray me, for I know how to deal with that. This,
this tender love makes me weak causing me to weep.

Sobs wrack my body for the pain and the sorrow. I feel your
tears mingle with mine as we both battle through
the night, this evil that would crush out our light.
You never waver, your devotion
is unmatched. As I slip mercifully into
oblivion, I feel you ministering to my needs.
I am too weak to speak, to move, to cry another tear.
You shed them for me as you cradle my broken frame.
I escape into a void of nothingness, knowing not night or day.

Why did you stay?

The morning light peeks through the curtains, telling
me it is time to move. Willing my arm with great effort,
I search for your strength.
But it cannot be found… you were never here.
It was only my imagination
that felt your arms around me and heard your
loving words. Never have we touched. Never will it be.

Space and time divide us.

Yet, I felt you holding me with tender strength.
I heard the promised words
of love you vowed. The heat of your tears flowed
with my own. Your body shook as you joined my weeping.
Is our love so strong that our spirits minister to one
another negating the reality of physical obstacles
and broken bodies? Can this be real?

Yes, it is! Your love turned the tide last night
for I was ready to give up the fight! As you whispered your
devotion, I knew I could not leave you. Knowing
there will come a day when the battle will be yours and
I will proudly join you in
to win the day, for nothing can
challenge our love.

I know why you stayed and you
understand why I will never go away.
Mated souls, are we to whom God
we plea for his guidance and strength
to complete the tasks he has set for us.
Never can we be severed, for what God joins
no man can tear asunder.

I push myself to sit, shuffling my weary legs over
the side of the bed.
I speak your name and feel your
presence
as your legs dangle beside my own until
your feet plant firmly upon the
floor. Tenderly, you kiss the back of my neck,
“Ready, my love? It is time to face this day.”
Your words are soft like a butterfly’s caress
providing strengthened motivation.

Before I know it, I am on my feet.
Unsteady to be sure, but I am standing
against the odds. Victory! Take that you
damned dirty devil! You cannot win ever again,
for his soul and mine are bonded!

You have always known you are fated
to lose the war but
now feel the pain each loss will bring.
Never again, will victory be yours
when you do battle with a love this pure!

Inhaling deeply, I feel a twinge or two as the battle scars
are forming. My hair moves gently as you release a final breath
upon my neck. You are here, I am there.

It is impossible to ignore the fray; therefore,
neither of us will go astray. We are one and will win the day

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6 thoughts on “A War Won

  1. Your expression of the deepest live I can easily relate to. So much I’m crying tears for both of us! Beautiful!

    Like

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