90/40

5 years old

Tina Blackledge
7-9-2014

Radiating, throbbing, pulsating
Inclusive.
Every joint from head to toe
inflammation, fever, fatigue.

Do you want to know?

Bones, joints, muscles, organs,
and veins are that of an
arthritic 90 year old.

Do you even care?

Wait, what? ~ I am only 40!
How can this be?

Don’t worry, I hide it well.

I’m sorry, she says. You have
never known a day without
RA.
The toll it has taken must be paid.

You will not be able to see my suffering.

An insurance agent staring at
words upon a screen
determines you are a lost cause
denies you access to the
more expensive,
effective medications.

Weed out the sick and weak.

Good News! You are approved
for all the highly toxic meds.
You will remain functional
until they kill you.

Quality versus Quantity, what is your choice?

No remedies.
No cures.
Nothing can be done.

You will lose this war.
Yet, it is in the milieu of
battle that life is lived.

Give up, wave the white flag, or fight?

Multiple ills batter against
the portcullis of your resolve.
It is you against it,
you are the last line of defense
so wave the white flag
give into the monster
and let it destroy you
or
FIGHT
do not go quietly
into the night.

Life…is painful…for everyone
varying only in degree.

Each day a marathon.
Moment by moment…victory or defeat.
Why did I draw my first breath?

There is another, you are not alone.

God will stand to your defense.
Your suffering is not in vain.
Others gain strength
bearing witness to
your fierce stand
against the night.

One more day, one more fight,
one last battle, then
you can rest.
Gird yourself with
God’s armor.
Only
once more.